Things Said To Me Today on 7th January 2015

Dear all,

In an effort to push myself back into blogging, I thought I’d upload something which I recorded down a few months back.  You may know that I’m currently working in a secondary school in inner city London, as a receptionist, not a teacher, specifically for the students.  This is an unusual job, with weird perks such as school holidays with no marking to do, everyone in the school knowing who I am, and being called ‘Miss’ a lot (though I’m not a teacher!).  And teenagers say some funny things.  

So one dull day (not many of those) back in January, I decided to write down everything that students said to me, just so I could have a record of what my first ever (and hopefully not only) paid job was like.  Enjoy.

‘If I don’t come out from my classroom today, it means I’ve died’.

‘Have you ever been outside your box?’

‘Did you always want to work in an office?’

‘Do you just sit down all day and use the computer?’

‘Do you get paid?’

‘What’s it like being the office manager’ (N.B. I am not the Office Manager).

‘Miss, can I use the phone?’

‘Can I have some Blu-tac?’

‘Can I go home?’

‘I’m not coming in tomorrow.  I’ve got a test.’

‘Please can I have my make-up back?’

‘URGH (student literally screams)! This nail varnish remover doesn’t work!’

‘Do you like working here, Miss?’

‘Who inspires you?’

‘Miss, you know who you remind me of?  You know Nanny McPhee (I feel myself make a face). You’re like that maid who’s always really nice.’

‘Please can I go to the medical room?’

‘Can I help you?’ says the student who’s meant to be in lessons and wandering around.

‘Miss, my finger doesn’t work!’

‘Miss, can I have a new timetable?’

‘Miss, can I have an exam timetable?  I lost it!’

‘Miss, am I free school meals?’

‘Miss, what’s the time?’

‘Miss, what’s the date today?’

‘Miss, can you let me out?’

‘Please can I have change for a ten pound note?’

‘Please can I have an exercise book?’

‘Oh, have you only got yellow exercise books?’

‘Oh, have you got any smaller ones?’

‘Someone else has been using my locker.  I think it’s a year 11!’

‘Please can I have a blue pen?’

‘Please can you stamp my oystercard form/6th form application form?’

‘Please can I go to the Sixth Form Building?’

‘Miss, could you mark me in?’

‘I don’t need to sign the latebook.’

‘I don’t know where I am!’

‘Can you print off my attendance?’

‘Miss, I don’t feel well.’

‘Miss, is Ms/Mr… in today?’

‘Can I pay you tomorrow?’

‘I’ve got a note’

‘Please can I have some printing paper’

‘I’ve got an appointment’

‘It’s Sanjeda, not Sajeda’

‘It’s Sajia, not Sadia’

‘The machine doesn’t take notes, Miss’

‘Can I buy a locker?’

‘Can I get out my phone to see my Mum’s number? (N.B. The school policy re phones and ipods is ‘See it, lose it’.)

‘Can I have a form please?’

‘But your surname is such a NICE first name’ (There are a significant amount of year 11s who still call me by my surname, with no Miss beforehand… ruuude).

‘URGH! I don’t want that back.  You can throw it AWAY!’

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