WARNING: If you’re feeling worried about me after you’ve finished reading the first few paragraphs, then please don’t. I’m being honest – social networking is full of so much fakery and glibness, and one of my life mottos is honesty is the best policy. Often life isn’t dandy, and I don’t think we’re honest enough about it. If you’re feeling lonely and isolated a lot, please talk to someone about it – don’t feel like you’re kicking up a fuss.
Most of the evenings this week just gone by has reminded me of this song I used to listen to in my Kerrang/emo days:
For a few reasons (feeling zonked from my job, my brain refusing to function over half-term to sort out my social life for the next week, and forgetting that arranging to meet up with someone in London can be a bit of a hassle), I spent four out of five evenings all by myself.
Yes, I could have rung someone for a chat. But I use the phone all the time during the day as part of my job. And I hate it when people don’t pick up their phones (which happens pretty regularly at work). After work ended on Monday evening, I texted and Facebook messaged about ten different people. The first person to respond, did so twenty-four hours later. I spent most of the evenings eating chocolate and sweets on offer in Tesco whilst watching videos on Youtube, listening to uplifting music, studying the Bible, writing Lesson 2 and constantly refreshing my Facebook feed. All to distract myself from the vicious voice in my head which decides to emerge in difficult times like these, telling me that I don’t really have any friends. Even if you call one of your so-called friends, they won’t want to talk to you. Everyone else is having so much fun, and your life is lame.
This ‘London loneliness’ I had predicted has arrived.
People who move to London often say that the first few months are pretty lonely. But last year that rarely was the case, and I thought those people were exaggerating. I spent so much time with the other apprentices and students from church and other people who worked at church that I rarely noticed. But now that they are busy and life has moved on, I’m finding it tough.
After work, there’s that desire within me to spill the beans with someone physically present, without having to filter everything I say (a filter which I miraculously manage to sustain at work). And to hear what they have to say. What’s happened in their lives recently. To support them too, however I can.
So I was so thankful for Wednesday evening last week. It was wonderful to chat with a good friend who I could share this struggle with, and to get things in perspective: people are busy in general (which doesn’t mean they don’t want to spend time with me – they literally can’t), Facebook is very superficial and in London it IS a lonely place.
But that need for support isn’t (actually!) the reason why Jesus-followers need to get stuck into a church.
Our reasons for church
As a social extrovert (someone who feels energized by being around people, and can’t really function after a day without having a meaningful and affirming conversation with another human being face to face), I’ve frequently relied on church and small groups to spur me on in living for Jesus over the years.
And I still think that this support from gatherings of believers is really important. It’s tough living for Jesus, and brothers and sisters in the household of God should be encouraging each other on a regular basis in person.
But it’s so easy to lose sight of the PRIMARY reason why we should go to church. (And when I say church, I don’t mean a church building. I mean a community of Jesus followers, who meet together to sit under God’s word being taught, to sing spiritual truths to each other and to love others gathered there).
Church can become a purely social activity – to meet friends and catch up after the service. It can be ideal for sharking (definition: going to an event with the intention of flirting with lots of people of the opposite gender over a day/evening, before deciding to pursue one of them. Don’t deny it, you probably have thought about this before!).
Or a person could go to church because they feel they have to. They’ve been told by many other believers that they should, so they do. Or they’re trying to keep up appearances, so no one probes them about their personal walk with the Lord, which may be far from fine. Or it’s become such a tradition, a ritual, that it would feel weird and odd not going. Or a person could go for the atmosphere, ‘the vibe’, to set them up for the rest of the week, so that they leave feeling better about their weekly situations.
But I don’t think these motivations match what God says our motivation should be. A passage in Ephesians (which the church I’m at frequently reference) I think reveals the primary reason for Jesus-followers to gather together. (By the way, I read Ephesians throughout most of the year with my supervisor – one of the female student workers – who pointed out all this stuff about the church to me. It’s a rich book, with long sentences which are often hard to understand straightaway. But I totally recommend that you spend time reading the book of Ephesians for yourself).
God’s reason for church
So far we’ve seen in Ephesians that God has a plan for all of time. His plan ‘for the fullness of time’, is to unite all things in [Jesus], things in heaven and things on earth’ (Eph 1:10). And how will He do that? Well through the church. Through trusting in Jesus, Jews and Gentiles (everyone who isn’t a Jew) have access to God (2:18), and become part of God’s growing and expanding household (2:19-22). And God is using His church, this vast group of people, to proclaim His wisdom to rulers and authorities in the heavenly places (3:10). It’s like God is saying, ‘Look! Look at my sons and daughters whom I love and have saved – they’ve trusted my Son who has conquered sin and death. My beloved Son – look at how we have redeemed so many people whom I created in my image, and behold, look how many more will turn from their sin and trust in Him, and be in relationship with me forever and ever!’
The church in the UK often looks foolish, and sometimes embarrassing. I’ve read surveys and heard stories and know people who are done with church. But this is how God views it. It’s His way of showing the universe His wisdom. He loves it – He shows it off in the supernatural world – to all his angels and all the different spirits. This is how people become part of His Kingdom, and united in Jesus.
This is what Paul writes next, detailing what practically the church should be doing:
’11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers,12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.’ (Ephesians 4:11-16)
I’m going to focus on verses 11 and 12 (about who exactly does ministry) later in another post, but for now let’s look at the rest of this passage.
In the Bible, ‘saints’ means those who have trusted in Jesus. A Saint is a Christian. And in verse 12, the saints are to build up the body of Christ. And why? In verse 13, it’s so we can grow in knowledge of Jesus, to mature and to become more like Jesus. AND in verse 14, it’s so that we don’t grow gullible. That we don’t accept everything we hear taught in church, but check to see if it’s true. That we’re not swayed by false teaching, or what the world teaches or cult-like ideas.
And how does this work practically? Not just being nice to each other. It’s speaking the truth in love (verse 15). It’s reminding, encouraging and challenging other Christians using Jesus’ and God’s words – that is the truth. And it’s telling truth to each other, but to build up, not tear down. I established in my first blog that when the Bible is opened, that’s God speaking to us – and therefore thorough Bible teaching needs to take priority in church. Listening to Jesus, the Head of the Church, through His word, is how the church (the body) grows.
What is speaking the truth in love?
I think speaking the truth in love can look like various different things, and depend on different situations. Encouraging someone with truths about God, challenging them on something which they’re doing which is detrimental to their walk with God, or sharing what you’re learning about God from the Bible.Or giving Biblical advice to someone who’s facing a dilemma or a tricky situation, where they need wisdom.
And I don’t want to limit speaking the truth in love to just when loads of Christians are gathered together, but it should be mainly happening when Christians gather together. Sundays are ideal days for people to gather, because most jobs don’t have people working on those days. Speaking the truth in love can happen after the sermon or talk (because that’s when the word is opened and taught and at work in people’s hearts), and it can happen before the service starts. And it can happen in small groups, where it’s far easier to have people speak the truth in love to you, as you’re setting aside time to get to know a specific set of people, to allow them to speak the truth to you more deeply, and so you can speak the truth in love to them in turn.
And this is where I’m going to make a case for small groups at church. I used to think they encouraged cliques and factions. Actually, from a year spent doing ministry with students in such an isolated city, small groups are essential for speaking the truth in love to take place. It can be so easy to go to a church service, and sneak away afterwards, and not join one. And then feel after a month or two that actually you don’t really know anyone. And it’s fairly awkward. Especially in a large church.
But even worse than that, is that by not allowing people to speak the truth in love to you, and not speaking the truth in love to anyone, you’re not going to grow as a Christian. You’re going to wilt, then shrivel. I used to comment during the year to apprentices, that students I knew who weren’t plugged into a church were basically going to die spiritually. And I don’t say that very much now, because a couple of people have found it offensive. But I still think it’s true. You’re more likely to fall away if you’re not plugged into a church where you can hear God’s truth, remind others of it, and grow more into the likeness of Christ.
As I don’t hear God’s word preached as much as I did last year, or study it as much as I used to, I literally cannot wait for church. I really look forward to spending time with Christians, not to feel like I’m in a safe Christian bubble, but to be able to hear God speaking to us as a family, learn from others and explore how we can apply His word to our lives practically.
And if you go to a church where there isn’t Biblical teaching, do yourself a huge favour. Find another church where the Bible is taught in depth. Pray that you’ll listen carefully to the talk, and that the Lord would be at work in your heart. And then, after the service, instead of chatting about the weather, ask, ‘What did you think of the talk?’. Or, ‘what stood out for you from that sermon?’. Or, ‘What’s one thing which you want to take into this week, which you’ve learnt about God?’. And be prepared to be asked the same questions back. Stick around after the service, even if you’re scared and nervous about meeting new people. Approach people you don’t know and strike up a conversation with them, and bring up the sermon. Ask how they’re doing spiritually. Don’t be scared. It’s their problem if they’re unfriendly.
It’s vital we speak the truth in love to each other when we gather together. If in a few years time, I no longer go to a small group, or even to church, help me out. Please show me this post, and remind me how important it is that all Jesus followers are part of a community of believers, who are building each other in God’s word, to flourish and grow to be more like Christ before He returns.
I want to speak the truth in love more, and am no model to follow. But here are some articles which I really want to put more into practice
Till next time, Immy xxx